Birthday Number FIVE!

I can't believe that it happened. I can't believe that it was five whole years ago that we traveled to pick up this beautiful girl and became a family. I certainly can't.

It's hard to imagine how miss L might have felt that day. She'd been safe and warm, hearing voices that she was familiar with, hearing a heartbeat that gave her comfort. Then all of a sudden brought into a world and probably seeking those voices and seeking that heartbeat without being able to find it.  Who knows what a newborn thinks or feels, but I have to think that she missed her birthmama just as much as I know her birthmama was torn up and missing her.

I remember so vividly feeling so nervous. I wanted so desperately to do everything RIGHT (I realize that we are not unique in that feeling since first time moms just seem to ooze that feeling). I wanted to honor miss L's story from the first day. At that point in time I spent a lot of time thinking about adoption and about how to raise miss L with the good of adoption (we're a family) and the bad of adoption (she lost her first family). I wanted to use the best language I could. I wanted to be open. I wanted to help her to heal any wounds from that loss and help her feel confident and whole in this family. Then there was also the every two hour feedings and diaper changing...

Some experts advise letting a child's adoption story be their own story to tell or not to tell. That's just not an option for us. When we go out in public everyone knows miss L's adopted. They may not know her story and in fact they probably make a lot of assumptions that are untrue, but they all know that she was adopted. I don't know what questions miss L gets asked when she's away from me, but I've seen plenty of children question her about her origins. "Why is your mommy white and you aren't?" She usually just says, "I don't know," since saying, "I'm adopted," seems to lead to more personal questions (and I suppose because those who are asking don't understand the concept of adoption anyway?). Miss L doesn't want to be a poster child for adoption. She doesn't want to be the person who has to explain what it means or "where she comes from." She really shouldn't have to either. My heart aches when I see her struggle with the kid who won't let it go. I know as she grows that she'll have more strategies for dealing with these situations. I just pray I'm doing good modeling when total strangers come up and ask idiotic questions about her right in front of her (seriously.).

I still do think about adoption and how best to help miss L feel confident and loved. She knows that her birth family loves her a great deal. She wants to hear the story of the day she was born. She wants to know all the details. Where we were when we got "the call," where she was during the entire time, what we felt when we first saw her. She wants to hear how when we walked in the nursery she had a dirty diaper and daddy changed it and it was his very first diaper change ever. She loves the story. It's hers. She always has a lot of questions about it. I hope we're doing a good job of answering them.

Adoption is a part of miss L's life. We're all a product of our experiences and that's one of hers. That day we brought her home and I so desperately wanted to get it right, adoption was in the forefront of my mind. Now it's definitely something we think about but five years later miss L's story is so much more complex. At five years old she loves gymnastics, playing outside with her friends from the neighborhood, going to her grandparents' houses, and princesses (or as a friend calls them, little girl crack). She loves church and singing. She's got a huge heart, big enough to love everyone she meets, and she loves animals. She's a wonderful big sister and she never forgets sweet Ben, immediately telling anyone who I tell, "I have three kids" that in fact, there are four kids in our family, it's just that one is in Heaven. I loved her that day that we brought her home and my heart was filled with both anxiety about "doing it right" and sheer bliss at the sight of her. I just never could have even imagined how much more love would fill my heart every day since then. I never could have fathomed the way that I feel about that girl. She is the one who made me a mother. She's the one who reminds me what is really important. She tells me the best stories and uses the most adorable hand gestures. She's a blessing to everyone who meets her. She's miss L.

For the last year Miss L has been planning a birthday party with a bouncy house at her mawmaw and pawpaw's house with her cousins. When July came around August seemed like the perfect time for a roadtrip and so we went for it. Daddy had to work (of course) but he had miles saved from business travel and he was able to meet us for the party.

 

By the time we'd booked the bouncy house they didn't have the basic model available but only had one with an awesome slide attached. They gave us a great deal so we could hardly say no. They set it up a few hours early so miss L and mister W were able to enjoy it for a long long long time!

 

We had a pinata. Miss L loves a pinata!

 

Cousins got to give it a try.

 

Brothers too.

 

...and everyone enjoyed it. I spent more time enjoying the party than snapping photos of it, so I didn't get many really good ones. Miss L proclaimed it the best birthday ever and it really was just loads of fun. I have no idea what we'll ever do to top this next year!

 

Miss L spent the whole night playing away with the lovely gifts that people brought. What fun!